First of all, my poor little blog has been so neglected lately. I have really been wanting to address some serious issues, because those serious issues are pulling families apart. However, I am not quite sure how to tackle it all. I'm still thinking. Still working it out in my mind.
On to the next part. I have been seriously concerned as I hear people talk about "working on their marriage" only to see what they feel is "working on a marriage", If that makes sense. Lets go over some things that DO NOT help a marriage. First of all staying together for an arbitrary amount of time does not alone constitute working on a marriage. More has to happen then just residing in the same home. Staying in the same home and resenting every moment that you are there is not working on a marriage. Staying in the same home, while continuing to indulge and feed outside relationships is not working on a marriage. Staying in a home, while bad mouthing your spouse to anyone who will listen is not working on a marriage. Staying in a home and hoping for the other person to change all of the things that annoy you is not working on a marriage. I am not trying to be snarky or mean. These are just some things I have observed happening with people I love and care about. Sadly, not one of these marriages have succeeded.
I am not an expert. I haven't taken a single class on marriage and family relations. I have however learned so much from personal experience and trial and error. Things that actually worked for us while working on our marriage. Serving each other with your whole heart. Don't do it because your husband or wife deserves it. Do it because you want to have more peace and love in your home. Let go of past hurts. Even if the past hurt was this morning, let it go. Definitely don't dig up hurts from years ago. Don't expect your husband or wife to change overnight or maybe not at all. Actively look for things you love about them now. Pray for them, daily, hourly if that is what it takes. Remember that he or she is a child of God. Do everything you can to make a happy home. Give your relationship as much time and energy as you can. Let go of some of the outside commitments so that you can use that energy at home. Limit time with electronics. Work together on projects. Set aside time to talk everyday that doesn't include talking about problems. Just talking. Be physically affectionate. Don't withhold your love. Overcome selfish desires in your own life. Seek professional help when needed. Rely on your bishop as well. Have faith! More then anything lean on your Father in Heaven.
Great post! I would add that when a spouse is being abusive, either overtly or covertly, aggressively or passively, to seek out help. It is not working on your marriage to hide abuse or to wish it will go away. That one is a big one with many close loved ones in my world. It takes courage to seek help.
ReplyDeleteOf course you are right! Abuse is actually one of those big issues I really feel need to be addressed, but it is so huge, it feels overwhelming. Sadly, there are repercussions long after the abuse is over. My husband father is alcoholic and abusive. There are things that have come up in our marriage that are a direct result of the abuse he suffered as a child. I also don't think it necessarily means an end to a marriage. Some people have only grown up in an abusive environment and until someone addresses an issue, they might not realize how destructive their behavior is. But above all, be safe!
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