Who is super sweet and incredibly awesome, re-designed my blog for me. She is by far more creative than I am.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Date Night!!!
OK, I admit it. This is hard for us. It sounds like such a simple and enjoyable way to keep your marriage fresh, but somehow, someway it always slips to the back burner. This was one of those "Big three" pieces of advice that our bishop gave us. I remember very clearly the first date after that advice. We went out to dinner at a small restaurant that specialized in dutch oven cooking. There was no ordering, just a cheerful waitress that brought the "Special of the day" out. I remember staring at my food. I had no appetite. Hubby was messing around with his cell phone. Neither one of us were talking. 45 minutes into our date I noticed my feet were swelling at an alarming rate. (I was 8 months pregnant) Hubby dropped me off at the hospital and went home to relieve the sitter. My mom brought me home the next morning after my blood pressure had stabilized. It was by far the most miserable date I had ever experienced.
We still have not been able to establish the habit of a weekly date. Usually we follow this pattern... We date weekly for a couple months. We either have to tighten the budget so tight it cries or we start a "season" with one or more of our kids. (Baseball, basketball, Volleyball, or some other activity) or work gets crazy for Hubby. We slack off for a while. It could be a few weeks or a few months. Then we realize we are growling at each other more often than not and we work to get it back on track.
I will say this- It is SO much easier to "date" now that we have teenagers in the house. The only preparation we have to make are to tell them we are going out and leave the house. So much better, different than when we had to worry about tracking down a baby sitter. Our "dates" also look different now than what we first tried. Sometimes a date is sneaking out after the kids are asleep for an ice cream cone at McDonald's. Sometimes its a long walk or a walk around the temple grounds. Sometimes it is just sitting in a parked car and talking for hours. Rarely do we ever do "dinner and a movie." If we do, its usually for a special day, like a birthday or anniversary.
I was so excited a few weeks ago when I decided to buy tickets to a game for our local minor league baseball team for Hubby for his birthday. YAY! A Present for him and a date for me! We went this weekend. Now we have attended several games this season, but usually we sit on the berm with our six kids crawling all over us. This time, thanks to a great coupon deal I got, Hubby got to sit in the good seats, right behind home plate. He was happy and thrilled with his gift and I was happy and thrilled to be with him. Now we are trying to figure out what would be happening around my birthday in the fall that we could turn into a birthday present/date. I think that what really matters is that we remember that we matter. When we give just that little bit more attention to our marriage, we come out of it stronger and happier people. We are better able to deal with the one hundred and one things that we need to deal with. When we take the time to go on our little dates we actually remember that "Hey, I really like that guy and he really likes me."
We still have not been able to establish the habit of a weekly date. Usually we follow this pattern... We date weekly for a couple months. We either have to tighten the budget so tight it cries or we start a "season" with one or more of our kids. (Baseball, basketball, Volleyball, or some other activity) or work gets crazy for Hubby. We slack off for a while. It could be a few weeks or a few months. Then we realize we are growling at each other more often than not and we work to get it back on track.
I will say this- It is SO much easier to "date" now that we have teenagers in the house. The only preparation we have to make are to tell them we are going out and leave the house. So much better, different than when we had to worry about tracking down a baby sitter. Our "dates" also look different now than what we first tried. Sometimes a date is sneaking out after the kids are asleep for an ice cream cone at McDonald's. Sometimes its a long walk or a walk around the temple grounds. Sometimes it is just sitting in a parked car and talking for hours. Rarely do we ever do "dinner and a movie." If we do, its usually for a special day, like a birthday or anniversary.
I was so excited a few weeks ago when I decided to buy tickets to a game for our local minor league baseball team for Hubby for his birthday. YAY! A Present for him and a date for me! We went this weekend. Now we have attended several games this season, but usually we sit on the berm with our six kids crawling all over us. This time, thanks to a great coupon deal I got, Hubby got to sit in the good seats, right behind home plate. He was happy and thrilled with his gift and I was happy and thrilled to be with him. Now we are trying to figure out what would be happening around my birthday in the fall that we could turn into a birthday present/date. I think that what really matters is that we remember that we matter. When we give just that little bit more attention to our marriage, we come out of it stronger and happier people. We are better able to deal with the one hundred and one things that we need to deal with. When we take the time to go on our little dates we actually remember that "Hey, I really like that guy and he really likes me."
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Why we home school.
13 years ago I sent my sweet daughter to kindergarten for the first time. I didn't love the idea, but I did what I was supposed to do. Right? All parents, both good and bad, send their children off at the tender age of 5 to get an education. Of course "good parents" have already taught their children how to read, write, pretty much everything that one might teach in kindergarten. This means that anyone whose child has not been taught the entirety of the kindergarten curriculum prior to the first day of school falls in the "bad parent" category. I generally fell into the "bad parent" category. My cute girl did not know how to read and write and was not working on a cure for cancer in her spare time. I did get points for volunteering incessantly. I did it mostly because I missed my girl. I dragged my two wee kids along with me. We continued this pattern for a couple years until.....ROAD BLOCK! The second grade teacher mixed with my daughter as well as water and oil. She made my daughter wait until she had wet her pants to use the bathroom. She called her lazy in front of the class. It was the second time in my life I truly lost my temper. (The first was when a man told me that my still born son wasn't really a child because he never breathed.) That was when I realized that if I wasn't going to advocate for my child, no one else was going to either.
I moved my kiddos to a local charter school. We loved it. My children thrived. I still hung out at the school a ton but really I was OK. Then my sweet daughter #2 started kindergarten. Sigh....It just was not easy for her. She learns in a very different way. In the midst of her kindergarten year I was on bed rest, the *issue* with our marriage started and she pretty much fell through the cracks. For the next couple years things were pretty unsettled for us. We finally moved an hour and a half away from our "home town." Sweet daughter #1 and Awesome Son #1 were both doing well and thriving in their new environment. Sweet daughter #2 continued to struggle. We moved from a charter school to a regular school. We did an EIP. Still she continued to have issues. AT this point she was leaving our house at 7:30 AM and returning at 5:30 PM. She was gone longer than my husband was during the day.
While Sweet Daughter #2 was struggling, we were having issues with Awesome son #2. He was in Kindergarten. He is a *smart* kid, but he wiggled too much. He talked too much. It didn't matter that he was the top of his class, he was considered emotionally immature, therefore could not move into the top reading group. He cried everyday, begging me not to send him to school.
Now keep in mind that I was never a fan of sending my kiddos off to school anyway. We had tried public school, charter school and public school again. Private school wasn't an option financially. Well, home school it is. We have LOVED it! Our two oldest still attend public school and are doing well. They are both in high school.
Reasons I love home schooling....
I have control of what they learn, when they learn.
I know my children are in an environment where they are loved.
No bullies.
No worrying about whether or not I signed that calender, permission slip, or planner.
I know exactly what my kids know and what they need to work on.
They work on their own pace.
We work when and where we want to work. Late night? My little ones woke up at 8:30. My big kids at 5:30.
Sick kids? No worry. We can cuddle up and do reading on the bed.
Vacation? We can do that.
Socialization? We still attend church, participate in team sports and play with neighborhood friends.
It works for us.
I moved my kiddos to a local charter school. We loved it. My children thrived. I still hung out at the school a ton but really I was OK. Then my sweet daughter #2 started kindergarten. Sigh....It just was not easy for her. She learns in a very different way. In the midst of her kindergarten year I was on bed rest, the *issue* with our marriage started and she pretty much fell through the cracks. For the next couple years things were pretty unsettled for us. We finally moved an hour and a half away from our "home town." Sweet daughter #1 and Awesome Son #1 were both doing well and thriving in their new environment. Sweet daughter #2 continued to struggle. We moved from a charter school to a regular school. We did an EIP. Still she continued to have issues. AT this point she was leaving our house at 7:30 AM and returning at 5:30 PM. She was gone longer than my husband was during the day.
While Sweet Daughter #2 was struggling, we were having issues with Awesome son #2. He was in Kindergarten. He is a *smart* kid, but he wiggled too much. He talked too much. It didn't matter that he was the top of his class, he was considered emotionally immature, therefore could not move into the top reading group. He cried everyday, begging me not to send him to school.
Now keep in mind that I was never a fan of sending my kiddos off to school anyway. We had tried public school, charter school and public school again. Private school wasn't an option financially. Well, home school it is. We have LOVED it! Our two oldest still attend public school and are doing well. They are both in high school.
Reasons I love home schooling....
I have control of what they learn, when they learn.
I know my children are in an environment where they are loved.
No bullies.
No worrying about whether or not I signed that calender, permission slip, or planner.
I know exactly what my kids know and what they need to work on.
They work on their own pace.
We work when and where we want to work. Late night? My little ones woke up at 8:30. My big kids at 5:30.
Sick kids? No worry. We can cuddle up and do reading on the bed.
Vacation? We can do that.
Socialization? We still attend church, participate in team sports and play with neighborhood friends.
It works for us.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Speak Kindly- The words you don't say.
It seems like daily I am asking my sweet children to speak kindly to each other. I always explain to them how hurtful and damaging the words we say can be. Sometimes though, I think that its our thoughts that can be the most damaging. We hear of mothers who leave their families for no apparent reason. I think much of it happens when we allow ourselves to get in a pattern of negative self talk. We can convince ourselves that we are not happy, that we can't possibly be happy with the person we once loved. It happens so slowly. We start out as newlyweds who can't imagine saying or thinking negative thinks. Then inevitably he will say or do something that annoys you or hurts you or just flat out makes you mad. We don't quite let go of it. We save a little of the negative for the next time and the next. Before we know it the negative outweighs the positive and we are convinced that we could never be happy in that marriage again. I have been through that. A few times actually....
I remember the first time Hubby and I had a serious argument. We had been married a few months at that point. I was pregnant with our first daughter. I don't remember what we fought about, but I do remember being MAD! I packed up a suitcase. I was leaving. I walked out the door and sat down on the front steps. "He is such a jerk" I said to myself. A few years later I walked out the door with two small children in my arms into a snow storm. All of the way down the street a mumbled under my breath. "He's a jerk. I can't believe I married him. I HATE HIM!" It could easily have been the end of our marriage, except I have a wonderful mother who upon my arrival on her front porch, packed me and my children up in her car and delivered us back to our front door.
She looked at me and looked at Hubby and said "Work it out!" and went back home.
It was several years later when I experienced this from the other side. It was the "big issue." It threatened our marriage in a very real way. I remember distinctly hubby saying "I'm not happy. I don't love you anymore. I haven't for a long time." I was devastated. It was the beginning of the three hardest years of my life. Somewhere along the the line, I begged Hubby to give me six months. It was hard work, for both of us to change the negative thought patterns. However, after almost six years, we are one of the happiest couples we know. Even more, I know I am a happier person when my thoughts are positive.
I remember the first time Hubby and I had a serious argument. We had been married a few months at that point. I was pregnant with our first daughter. I don't remember what we fought about, but I do remember being MAD! I packed up a suitcase. I was leaving. I walked out the door and sat down on the front steps. "He is such a jerk" I said to myself. A few years later I walked out the door with two small children in my arms into a snow storm. All of the way down the street a mumbled under my breath. "He's a jerk. I can't believe I married him. I HATE HIM!" It could easily have been the end of our marriage, except I have a wonderful mother who upon my arrival on her front porch, packed me and my children up in her car and delivered us back to our front door.
She looked at me and looked at Hubby and said "Work it out!" and went back home.
It was several years later when I experienced this from the other side. It was the "big issue." It threatened our marriage in a very real way. I remember distinctly hubby saying "I'm not happy. I don't love you anymore. I haven't for a long time." I was devastated. It was the beginning of the three hardest years of my life. Somewhere along the the line, I begged Hubby to give me six months. It was hard work, for both of us to change the negative thought patterns. However, after almost six years, we are one of the happiest couples we know. Even more, I know I am a happier person when my thoughts are positive.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
A long line of love....
I have already talked about my grandparents and some of their trials. What I didn't talk about was how very much they loved each other. I remember from a young age that whenever Grandpa left the house, he never did so without kissing Grandma. They held hands while sitting next to each other or walking through the store. Grandpa's health was always a concern. Grandma tenderly cared for him until the very end. Near the end of my grandpa's life I sat next to him and held his hand. I had begged and begged my Grandma to leave his side, to get a sandwich and maybe take a nap. She did leave for just a moment. She hadn't slept for days. She was so tired. She hadn't spent a night without Grandpa in her bed in many many years. She couldn't sleep without him there and his hospital bed was so far away. That night after we had all gone home, Grandpa got out of his hospital bed, walked across the house, crawled in bed with Grandma until she fell asleep. Then he returned to the hospital bed where he was much more comfortable and could breath easier. The next day, my Grandma whispered in his ear "Its OK, Sweetheart, you can go." With the hour my grandpa had passed away. To this day, when you ask my Grandma if she is married she will say yes. Grandpa died seven years ago. She will say "We were sealed for all time and eternity in the House of the Lord. I am every bit as much married as the day I said I do."
My Parents are also very much examples to me about how good a marriage can be. Growing up, I saw my parents hug and kiss and hold hands. It wasn't weird. It was simply our way of life. One day I walked in the house with a couple of friends. We were probably 10 or 11. I saw my parents wrestling around on the floor over a $1 bill. They were laughing so hard they could hardly breath. My friend looked at me and said "My parents don't even talk to each other. I could not imagine them playing like that."
My marriage is not text book perfect. We have had some serious problems that we needed to deal with. However....I would rather spend the afternoon with my sweet Hubby than anyone else. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh and smile like no one else does. We still hold hands and kiss each other goodbye. He calls me from work everyday at lunch. He sends me text messages throughout the day to tell me he loves me. I hope we pass that on to our children and we continue this long line of love.
My Parents are also very much examples to me about how good a marriage can be. Growing up, I saw my parents hug and kiss and hold hands. It wasn't weird. It was simply our way of life. One day I walked in the house with a couple of friends. We were probably 10 or 11. I saw my parents wrestling around on the floor over a $1 bill. They were laughing so hard they could hardly breath. My friend looked at me and said "My parents don't even talk to each other. I could not imagine them playing like that."
My marriage is not text book perfect. We have had some serious problems that we needed to deal with. However....I would rather spend the afternoon with my sweet Hubby than anyone else. He makes me happy. He makes me laugh and smile like no one else does. We still hold hands and kiss each other goodbye. He calls me from work everyday at lunch. He sends me text messages throughout the day to tell me he loves me. I hope we pass that on to our children and we continue this long line of love.
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