Making memories on Memorial Day

Every Memorial Day I drag my family out to take pictures.  They are not professional by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact the family pictures were taken by a 10 year old friend of my daughters, that just happened to tag along with us to the park.  I am sure some professional could pick them apart, however they make me smile.  I love seeing how my family changes from year to year.  This year, I was especially surprised by how much my youngest daughter has changed.  The soft lines of baby-hood have fallen away and revealed a beautiful little girl.  

This series of pictures made me laugh.  I love the expressions on my son's face. 

I absolutely love this picture.  It makes me feel adored. 

The heavy stuff

They are some heavy painful things that marriages face.  These things are devastating, destructive, life changing and marriage ending.  Addiction, abuse, infidelity.  These things rock the foundation of our families, sometimes leaving damage that can not be repaired, not only for the couple, but their children, grandchildren and so many others.  I hear so many people saying "I'm an adult, I can do what I like."  or "I have to do what is right for me." or "Its my choice, it isn't affecting anyone else." but it is.  

I was probably not even born yet when addiction affected my life.  My dad smoked cigarettes. My mom tells a story about how I would, at two years old, steal my father's cigarettes and stomp on them, singing loudly whatever smoking cessation commercial I had heard.  By the time I was 8, I hated my dad's smoking for an entirely different reason.  It was keeping my family away from church.  I think that is why it is so easy for me to separate the dislike of an addiction to how I feel about the addicted person.  I LOVE my dad!  I adore him and I want him to be happy.  By 12 years old I had strong feelings about smoking.  Not only was it keeping my family away from the church I love, but also affecting my health.  I had been diagnosed with asthma.  I quit the track team because I couldn't run without experiencing coughing fits that would last until I vomited.  At 14, I had worked at a summer program through our small town.  I had some money in the bank and I was very proud of my small account.  My father had been hurt at work, and money was tight.  My parents asked me to close my savings account so my dad could buy cigarettes.  They could have asked me for anything else.  I would have happily given up the money to pay a bill or buy groceries or put gas in the car.  I sobbed as they went into the bank to close my account.I don't think they ever knew how much that hurt me.  I do think it had a profound affect on how I would live my life.  I never wanted to be involved in anything that could put me in that place.  

My little story was extremely painful ...for me.  However, it pales in comparison to all that my husband had endured being the son of an alcoholic father.  That is another story for another day.  My children are out of school for the summer and I want to enjoy their dear faces.  My daughter is officially a senor in high school and I have the intense desire to  soak up every tiny bit before she starts her grand adventure.  

What we do not say...

Several years ago, I was about to have a new baby.  We had never had a rocking chair and I noticed that our next door neighbor was having a yard sale and was selling an old wooden rocker for $15.  I remember mentioning it to Hubby "The neighbors are selling a rocking chair for $15."  He said something like "Wow, that's a good deal." and went about his business.  As the afternoon went on, I was more and more mad, and sad and frustrated that Hubby would not walk next door and buy me the dumb chair.  Finally Hubby found me sitting in our bathroom crying.  He was totally baffled at why I was so upset.  When I told him that I was upset because he hadn't bought the chair, he looked at me like I had lost my mind.  He said "If you wanted it, why didn't you just go buy it?  If you needed help getting it home, why didn't you just ask?"  I was stilling crying when I said "You should have known I wanted it when I mentioned it."  Still baffled, he walked next door and bought the chair.  Almost immediately I realized how silly I was being, not communicating exactly what I needed or wanted Hubby to do.  It wasn't fair for me to expect him to read my mind.  

Around Valentines Day I was looking at some flowers, and Hubby asked if I wanted him to buy some for me.  I smiled and said "No, I have you to love me and that is enough."  He smiled and gave me a kiss.  He didn't buy me anything for Valentines Day.  I laughed.  He took my words quite literally, and now I am a little older and wiser, and not pregnant, I know to live by my words as well.   For Mother's day he asked me what I wanted for Mother's day.  I gave him a list of 4 or 5 things he could buy, and then said "Really, its not what you buy that matters.  What matters is that you put some time and energy into it, and that you think of me."  Guess what?  He didn't buy me anything for Mother's day either.  (Grin!)  However, he got up Sunday morning and made me a beautiful breakfast.  He fixed a wonderful dinner as well.  I thought it was pretty awesome.  I spent the whole day feeling so loved and cared for. I not only had my husband, so lovingly serving me, but my daughter bought me a pretty necklace with her own money, for some reason that was very touching to me, that she thought ahead to buy me a gift, at no prompting, wrapped it, and kept it for more than a month to give to me.  My other daughter Made me a carrot cake (my favorite) and of course I received a million (only a slight exaggeration) home made cards from the little kids.  My oldest son spoke in Sacrament.  We watched a movie that was my choice.  It ended a little late, but all in all I loved Mother's Day.  I think about that day so long ago (which was probably around Mothers day, because that baby was born in May) and wish that I had saved myself a few tears and communicated my needs a bit more clearly to Hubby by saying exactly what I meant.  

A Special Day for our Sweet Boy

We had a crazy long week followed closely by a crazy long weekend, but some wonderful things happened this week.  Our little Sandman was baptized by Hubby.  He was very excited to be taking this huge step in his life and we were equally excited for him.  Despite the fact that Sandman is rarely if ever still, he absorbs everything  and and is so excited to learn about what it means to be baptized and to be a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints and to receive the Holy Ghost. It brought tears to my eyes to see my beautiful boy paying so much attention to the Sacrament prayers and trying so hard to calm his wiggly body in an effort to be reverent.  In the end, he started singing "I'm trying to be like Jesus" softly.  I just wrapped my arms around him and let a few tears of complete happiness fall into his hair.  His sweet spirit amazes me.