Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Friend Problem
I was never the child that had a lot of friends. Most of my life I have had a small, tight knit group of 3-4 close friends. I was the "Maintainer" of the group, the mama bear. I am the one that makes sure everyone is happy and taken care of. When some one is sad and needs a shoulder to cry on, they turn to me. If they are mad, frustrated or annoyed, they vent to me. If someone disappears, I got and find them. If someone is not included, I reach out to them. For the most part, I am good with this. It fits my personality well. I am not fun, and not adventurous. I tend to be on the shy side of things, and it takes me a while to adjust to new settings. (Man, I really sound lame.) So I realized something else recently and it is really bothering me. I am the un-important friend. I mean, if you were to ask me who my best or closest friends were, I would name off a couple people. However, if you were to ask those people who their closest friend is, they would name other people. I am generally forgotten until someone has one of those needs that I listed above. And now, I not only sound lame, but I sound selfish. :-(
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((hugs)) I know I have been superlame this summer and not much of a friend at all. I'm sorry! I always feel about my friends that I'm the one who maintains the relationships and cares enough to keep checking in with people despite the miles and the years and that they would be just fine if they never heard from me again until the eternities.
ReplyDeleteOh Real! You know I love you. I guess what I am feeling, and thinking about, is wondering if what I bring to the table is actually of any worth. I have friends who literally only talk to me when they need a shoulder to cry on, or need to vent. But when life is good for them, I never hear from them. I kind of feel like every ones dirty little secret.The friend they don't want anyone else to know they have. (Of course I am probably being over sensitive and silly.)
DeleteI don't know you all that well, but it sounds to me like some serious self reflection is going on with you. Maybe you might reach out to different types of people, you know, the ones like me, who are hungry for friends who are like minded. There are so many people out there just waiting for a friend, a true friend, like you. True friends give and take. This is a lesson I have recently learned as well, only mine is with family members.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I would love to get to know you better. I do think we have much in common...right down to the family issues. Maybe that is some of my problem. I am really quite isolated from my family as well. Some because of distance, but others because having a relationship with them is not healthy for me, or my family.
DeleteSarah, I think I changed it, so that you can email me, through me profile. Feel free to send me an email.
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