I actually started a blog quite some time ago. It was in the middle of the first "issue" and the second. My heart had just started to heal...a little. Then when the second issue started, I just could not bare to keep writing it. I closed it up and made it private. When I started this blog, I hid it on my dashboard. I've peaked at it, but those few posts make my heart hurt so much that I can't even bare to read them in their entirety and the pain is simply too raw to share.
Short of loosing on of my children or my husband to death, my biggest fear is a backslide, of waking up one day and finding myself back in the same situation, drowning in grief and pain. We have put up safeguards. We are much more aware of potential issues and have tried to protect ourselves and our marriage from the many pitfalls that can befall us. But still, it is there, like a painful little pebble in my shoe. If I let it, it would drive me crazy and consume my world. Instead, I pray for my marriage. I work at my marriage. I hope that I am doing it all right, or at least as right as I can do it, and hope it is enough.
I'm not sure how I found your blog- But I wanted to comment on this post. I am going through something similar as you, it seems, in my marriage. I have chosen to stay as well. My relationship with Christ is what is getting me through it. My husband getting a relationship with Christ keeps me going. Boundaries have been set and we move on. Backslidings are healed through Jesus. I'm sure you know that. We have had many backslidings, and I have given up hope many times. But the steady improvements keep hope a
ReplyDeletelive. Our disease was pleasing my in-laws at the expense of the dignity of our own marital identity. You can imagine the pain..
I'm not sure how you found my blog either, since I have a very tiny audience, but I am really glad you are here! I wanted to start this blog because so many times, it feels like I hear women encouraging divorce, and very seldom hear woman encouraging each other to stay and learn and grow. You are right, it is through the Atonement of Christ that we are able to heal our hearts and our marriages. I just wish more people could see and feel the joy that can come along with the pain.
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