Two of my dear friends are in the process of divorce. Two dear friends are desperately trying to save their marriage. All four have broken hearts. They are hurting and sad and trying to put the pieces of their lives back together. I have a cute friend who is 10 years younger than I am. Right in the middle of all that we went through she asked me "Why don't you just file for divorce? It is killing me to see you hurting so much!" I told her that divorce is hard and painful. I would still be hurting just as much if I divorced my husband. Yes, healing can be found in divorce. Healing can also be found in working a marriage out. Both require time and forgiveness.
For me, deciding which path to follow took a lot of time, and prayer. It took visiting and counseling with my bishop. In the end, I really wanted to think about where I wanted my life to be in 20 years. I tried to imagine what it would be like, when my daughter got married. What would it be like if Hubby and I were at her reception and married to other people. There would be many events, marriages, baptisms, graduations, mission farewells. Then I thought about who I want to be once my children were grown and gone. When I accomplish something wonderful, that I have worked hard at, who did I want to run home to. Who did I want to share all of my excitement with. When I closed my eyes and thought about it, every time it was my husband I wanted to run to. So I stayed. For a long time my heart hurt. Sometimes it still does. But there have also been mornings snuggling together as we listen to the sounds of our children waking up. There have been water fights and long walks, and giggling at some silly joke. There have been late night talks, and Goodbye kisses. There is an amazing little boy who never would have been here if I had walked away. So many memories and so much happiness has happened.
I told my friend one more thing that day. I told her that I feel like my husband and I are linked. I feel him missing when he walks out the door, and while I do school work and play with my kids or visit with friends, part of me is waiting. Part of me is waiting for my sweetheart to come home. Then I feel complete. It has been six years since that day. My friend has found her sweetheart and has two beautiful daughters. She caught me on facebook one day and said "Now I know. I know what you meant and I have felt it too.
Well said. Having a repentant heart, for both spouses helps too. You are blessed to have friends who stayed with you through it. I did too. Some abandoned me because they were angry that I decided to stay in my marriage. Sad! It made the pain of what I was going through that much worse. There was pain and injury on many, many levels.
ReplyDeleteSadly, I also lost some friends who could not understand why I wanted to stay and work things out. One was my very best friend, who I felt was more like a sister. It was a slap in the face when I was at my very lowest. However, I was blessed with some wonderful loving people who did support me and love me through a long hard process.
Delete