The heavy stuff

They are some heavy painful things that marriages face.  These things are devastating, destructive, life changing and marriage ending.  Addiction, abuse, infidelity.  These things rock the foundation of our families, sometimes leaving damage that can not be repaired, not only for the couple, but their children, grandchildren and so many others.  I hear so many people saying "I'm an adult, I can do what I like."  or "I have to do what is right for me." or "Its my choice, it isn't affecting anyone else." but it is.  

I was probably not even born yet when addiction affected my life.  My dad smoked cigarettes. My mom tells a story about how I would, at two years old, steal my father's cigarettes and stomp on them, singing loudly whatever smoking cessation commercial I had heard.  By the time I was 8, I hated my dad's smoking for an entirely different reason.  It was keeping my family away from church.  I think that is why it is so easy for me to separate the dislike of an addiction to how I feel about the addicted person.  I LOVE my dad!  I adore him and I want him to be happy.  By 12 years old I had strong feelings about smoking.  Not only was it keeping my family away from the church I love, but also affecting my health.  I had been diagnosed with asthma.  I quit the track team because I couldn't run without experiencing coughing fits that would last until I vomited.  At 14, I had worked at a summer program through our small town.  I had some money in the bank and I was very proud of my small account.  My father had been hurt at work, and money was tight.  My parents asked me to close my savings account so my dad could buy cigarettes.  They could have asked me for anything else.  I would have happily given up the money to pay a bill or buy groceries or put gas in the car.  I sobbed as they went into the bank to close my account.I don't think they ever knew how much that hurt me.  I do think it had a profound affect on how I would live my life.  I never wanted to be involved in anything that could put me in that place.  

My little story was extremely painful ...for me.  However, it pales in comparison to all that my husband had endured being the son of an alcoholic father.  That is another story for another day.  My children are out of school for the summer and I want to enjoy their dear faces.  My daughter is officially a senor in high school and I have the intense desire to  soak up every tiny bit before she starts her grand adventure.